Flicker
by ZannahBanana
Summary: Katniss cannot get used to the fact that there is no imminent danger facing her, that she is no longer the Girl on Fire. A one-shot about life after the epilogue.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games.**

I still struggle with the fact that I am no longer the Mockingjay.

I am no longer Katniss Everdeen: Girl on Fire, the face of the Rebellion. I am no longer the most well-known person in Panem. I am utterly normal.

I am a wife.

I am a mother.

I am Katniss Everdeen-Mellark.

As I stand in my kitchen in my house in the Victor's Village of District Twelve, Peeta is outside fetching our two children for dinner. I look out the window and see our daughter, Primrose, run right into Peeta's arms, while her little brother, Finnick, runs in the other direction. After kissing Prim on top of her head, Peeta runs after his mini-me, smiling and laughing the whole time. Prim follows, the sound of her tinkling laughter permeating the air.

Twenty years ago, I would never have seen myself here. Never would I have seen Peeta running around in the grass with two children that looked just like us, never would have even seen any kid at all. At seventeen I was bound and determined never to have children, but yet here they were. At four and three years old, they were the absolute most important things in my life. Them and Peeta, of course.

Peeta.

We'd married a very short time after the games ended: we were only eighteen. But we were in love, and we had been married in a traditional District Twelve ceremony, in the newly remodeled Justice Building, with the ceremony followed by the toasting. Very few people had attended: Haymitch, Effie, my mother, Annie, and her son, Kayleb. After the toasting I had held Kayleb and was shocked to see Finnick Odair's eyes peering up at me. I was consumed with sadness and had to give Kayleb back to Annie, as my arms were shaking too much and I was crying too hard to hold him.

Peeta and I were married for fifteen years before Peeta finally convinced me to have a child. I had been under the impression that he was perfectly happy with our marriage and life, but it turned out that Peeta wanted a child more than anything else in the world. He told me that he wanted a child then almost as much as he'd wanted me when we were sixteen. I couldn't deny him a baby after hearing that.

So nine months later Primrose Rue came into the world. With my dark hair and Peeta's piercing blue eyes, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. Tears streamed down my face as I held her for the first time, and joy overtook me. I didn't know how I ever could have denied Peeta this.

Then, eighteen months later, Finnick Abernathy was born, and I was thrilled to see that he was a replica of Peeta, with his blond waves, round facial structure, and his mouth. However, when Finnick looked at me moments after he had been born, I was shocked to find that I was staring into my own eyes, my gray Seam eyes. And as I looked at him, for the first time in a long time, I felt overwhelming fear.

I could've screamed. I had Peeta, Prim, and Finnick now-I had _so _much to lose. What if something happens? What if President Paylor is overthrown somehow by the old supporters of the Capitol and control falls into the wrong hands? What if the Hunger Games are begun again? Or something worse? What if my children die?

So in recent years I have become restless. I feel that I should be out in the world, protecting the people of Panem, protecting my children, from the evils that lurk from behind corners. I wake up screaming sometimes, after nightmares of Prim and Finnick being reaped into the Games, being killed by poisonous berries or a spear in the stomach or decapitation by mutants….

It is nights like these that Peeta rocks me for hours, assuring me that everything is okay, that the old Capitol's reign over Panem is done, that it has been for years. And as I sob into his shoulder, I know that he is right, because I was there when the reign ended. I am the reason that it did. But yet, with Primrose and Finnick in my life…I can never be sure. What if…what if…what if…

I am pulled out of my thoughts as the front door bangs open and Peeta, Prim, and Finnick come bounding in, laughing and talking. I rush to them, picking Finnick up, swinging him around. I have let all of my negative thoughts go, and I don't have to work to lose myself in Peeta's blue eyes as our children dance around us.

"Prim, Finnick," Peeta says now, not taking his eyes off me, "wash up for dinner. Go on."

As soon as Prim and Finnick have gone, Peeta makes his way over to me, taking my face in both of his hands.

"You love me. Real or not real?"

I smile. We play this game every day, even though Peeta has known the answer for years.

"Real."

"You want me to kiss you. Real or not real?"

I laugh a little. "Real."

So as Peeta presses his lips to mine, I let a feeling of peace take over me, and I lose myself in the moment. The rest of the world falls away, and it is just Peeta and I, and somewhere, far away, I hear the laughter of our children. It's so beautiful…

I realize I will never just be a wife, a mother. Yes, it is true that I will never return to being the Mockingjay. I will never again be the Girl on Fire.

But there is still a flicker of light in me.


End file.
